This is Spinal Tap Script v. 4.1
(Nit-picker's edition :)
April 1996
Steve Paget (paj@steviep.demon.co.uk) has done a great
job brushing up version 4 of the script,
which was originally completed by Svein I.
It has been corrected and proof-read (twice!)
by Michael Wheeler (mweheeler@gladstone.uoregon.edu) and
Scott Hagberg (hagbergs@mari.acc.stolaf.edu),
with additional help from the guys at alt.fan.Spinal-Tap.
In v 4.1 I've corrected some names and added a few lines.
If you have any comments, corrections, Tap anecdotes or
Close Encounters of the Tap Kind to share, do not hesitate
to drop me a line...
Svein I. Halvorsen (sveini@himolde.no)
Keeper of the script to This is Spinal Tap
Please keep this header if you are re-distributing the script.
------------------------------------------------------------------
This is
S P I N A L T A P
A Rockumentary by Martin DiBergi
<Film Studio>
Marty: Hello. My name is Marty DiBergi. I'm a film maker. I
make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chases
the covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine.
In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, New York City
to a rock club called the Electric Banana.
Don't look for it, it's not there anymore.
But that night I heard a band that for me redefined the
word "rock and roll". I remember being knocked out by
their, their exuberance, their raw power -- and their
punctuality. That band was Britain's now-legendary Spinal
Tap. Seventeen years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap
is still going strong, and they've earned a distinguished
place in rock history as one of England's loudest bands.
So in the late fall of 1982 when I heard that Tap was
releasing a new album called 'Smell the Glove,' and was
planning their first tour of the United States in almost 6
years to promote that album, well needless to say I jumped
at the chance to make the documentary, the, if you will,
rockumentary that you're about to see. I wanted to capture
the, the sights, the sounds, the smells, of a hard-working
rock band on the road. And I got that. But I got more, a
lot more. But hey -- enough of my yakkin'.
Whaddaya say, let's boogie!
<Outside the venue>
Fan 1: Gives me a lot of energy, makes me happy.
Fan 2: Heavy metal's deep, you can get stuff out of it.
Fan 3: The way they dress, the leather.
<JFK Airport, New York>
David: Which one is this? Is this LaGuardia or is this-- ?
Ian: No, this is JFK.
David: Oh yes.
Ian: New York, New York.
<Back outside the venue>
Roadie: Watch it now, watch it now.
Ethereal fan:
It's like you become one with the guys in the band.
I mean there's...there's no division, you just...the
music just unites people...with the players.
<Onstage>
New York M C:
You want it right, direct from hell, Spinal Tap!
--- Spinal Tap performs Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight ---
David: We are Spinal Tap from the UK you must be the USA!
<Garden Interview I>
Marty: Let's...uh talk a little bit about the history of the
group. I understand Nigel you and David originally started
the band wuh...back in...when was it... 1964?
David: Well before that we were in different groups, I was in a
group called The Creatures and w-which was a skiffle group.
Nigel: I was in Lovely Lads.
David: Yeah.
Nigel: And then we looked at each other and says well we might as
well join up you know and uh....
David: So we became The Originals.
Nigel: Right.
David: And we had to change our name actually....
Nigel: Well there was, there was another group in the East End
called The Originals and we had to rename ourselves.
David: The New Originals.
Nigel: The New Originals and then, uh, they became....
David: The Regulars, they changed their name back to The Regulars
and we thought well, we could go back to The Originals but
what's the point?
Nigel: We became The Thamesmen at that point.
--- The Thamesmen play Gimme Some Money ---
--- British TV: Pop, Look & Listen 1965 ---
Marty: Your first drummer was uh....
Nigel: The peeper....
David: Joe stumpy Pepys...great great...uh...tall blond geek..
with glasses uh...
Nigel: Uh.. good drummer.
David: Great look, good drummer.
Nigel: Good, good drummer....
David: Fine drummer....
Marty: What happened to him?
David: He died, he, he died in a bizarre gardening accident some
years back.
Nigel: It was really one of those things...it was...you know...the
authorities said...you know...well best leave it unsolved,
really...you know.
Marty: And he was replaced by...uh....
David: Stumpy Joe - Eric Stumpy Joe Childs.
Marty: What happened to Stumpy Joe?
Derek: Well, uh, it's not a very pleasant story..but, uh,
David: He's passed on.
Derek: he died. uh...he choked on..the ac- the official explanation
was he choked on vomit.
Nigel: It was actually, was actually someone else's vomit.
It's not....
David: It's ugly.
Nigel: You know. There's no real....
Derek: You know they can't prove whose vomit it was...they don't
have the facilities at Scotland Yard....
David: You can't print, there's no way to print a spectra-photograph
Nigel: You can't really dust for vomit.
<Reception, New York>
Ian: Here we go...Soho they call this place....
Bobbi: Oh, it's the band!
David: 'So' what?
Ian: Soho.
Bobbi: How are you? Ian! Hi fellas, how you doing...
Come over here. I want you to meet everybody.
Derek: Who is that?
Bobbi: Viv, come over here...everybody.
Ian: Bobbi Flekman.
Derek: Who is it ....with the record company?
Bobbi: Yes, Bobbi Flekman - the hostess with the mostest.
You know, you know. Hi, handsome. How you doing? Alright,
listen I want you all to meet Sir Denis Eton-Hogg, now he's
the head of Polymer.
Band: We know, we know.
Bobbi: (To Nigel)
You don't talk so much - just smile and look smart.
David: Oh, she knows...
Bobbi: Denis, come here...come here I want you to meet Spinal Tap,
our guests of honor.
Sir Denis:How very nice to meet you!
Bobbi: Kids; this is Sir Denis Eton-Hogg...this is Nigel.
David: Hello, David St....
Sir Denis:Oh, so this is Nigel!
Nigel: Thanks a lot for letting us uh....
Bobbi: Let's go over here and we'll all take a picture together.
Where's Christine? Where's my photographer?
Come over here honey. What's your name? Christine?
Ok, right over here... good, good!
Reporter: You guys look great. I mean you look fantastic. You
would never know that you are almost 40. I mean if I
looked this good and from the stage too it's amazing
you know....
Morty the Mime:
I did the bird, do the dead bird...change this, get the
dwarf canoles the little ones....
Mime: I did the bird....
Morty the Mime:
C'mon, don't talk back huh...mime is money, let's go
come on; move it!
Sir Denis:Now, we here at Polymer we're all looking forward to a long
and...and...and fruitful relationship with Spinal Tap.
We wish them great success on their North American tour and
so say all of us...Tap into America!
Bobbi: Yeah!
<limo>
Driver: Excuse me...are you reading "Yes I Can"?
Groupie: Yeah, have you read it?
Driver: Yeah, by Sammy Davis Jr.?
Groupie: Yeah.
Driver : You know what the title of that book should be?
"Yes I Can if Frank Sinatra Says it's Okay".
Cause Frank calls the shots for all of those guys.
Did you get to the part yet where uh...Sammy is coming out
of the Copa...it's about 3 o'clock in the morning and uh...he
sees Frank? Frank's walking down Broadway by himself....
(Limo window raised by Nigel)
Driver: Fuckin' limeys.
Marty: Well you know, ah...they're not uh,...used to that world.
Driver: Yeah yeah.
Marty: You know Frank Sinatra it's a different world that
they're in.
Driver: You know, it's just that people like this...you know...
they get all they want so they don't really understand,
you know...about a life like Frank's, I mean, you know
when you've loved and lost the way Frank has, then you uh
...you know what life's about.
Ian: The Times may even do something.
David: The New York Times?
Ian: Yeah, the New York Times.
David: The bump we've got to iron out here is when do we get the
album released. I mean it doesn't matter how good the press
is or what the stringers....
Ian: As I explained last night you know we're not gonna saturate
the New York market....now Philly now that's a real rock and
roll town.
David: Oh, Philly's a great town.
Ian: Be assured that the album will be available all throughout
the Philadelphia metropolitan area.
David: So you are hitting that market regardless of how we're
selling in New York?
Ian: We are doing, we certainly are doing, well, I'm doing
everything I can.
David: That's right. We are not blaming you, you know that we're
not blaming you.
Marty: But you don't feel these guys have an effect on an audience,
I mean, kids go to their concert they have a great time,
uhh....
Driver: But it's...it's a passing thing...it's uh.... I mean I
would never tell them this but this is uh...this is a fad.
--- Spinal Tap plays Big Bottom---
--- at Fidelity Hall, Philadelphia ---
<Garden Interview II>
Marty: Let's talk about your reviews a little bit...regarding
'Intravenus de Milo': "This tasteless cover is a good
indication of the lack of musical invention within. The
musical growth rate of this band cannot even be charted.
They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality
and bad poetry."
Nigel: That's, that's nit picking, isn't it?
Marty: 'The Gospel According to Spinal Tap': "This pretentious
ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough
to prompt the question: "What day did the Lord create
Spinal Tap and couldn't he have rested on that day too?"
David: Never heard that one!
Derek: That's a good one, that's a good one!
Marty: The review you had on 'Shark Sandwich'...which was merely
a two word review - just said "shit sandwich." Umm....
Derek: Where'd they print that, where'd they print that?
David: Where did that appear?
Nigel: That's not real, is it?
Derek: You can't print that!
<Recording Industry Convention, Atlanta, Georgia >
Derek: All those arguments about touring or not touring and all
that it's obvious we belong on tour, you know....
Ian: I couldn't agree more. All that stuff about you being too
old and you being too white but....
Derek: But what about the album, Ian?
David: Well that's the real problem there's no way to promote
something that doesn't exist, you know....
Ian: It's a very unimportant reason, it's just that they're
experimenting with, with some new uh...packaging materials.
Let me get the door.
Derek: What kind of experimenting? What they got monkeys opening
it or what?
Ian: Oh there's uhh...the other thing is that the uh...the
Boston gig has been cancelled.
Nigel: What?
Ian: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big
college town.
Promoter: I heard you boys got an album coming out.
David: Yeah, it's called Smell the Glove... it should be out now,
yeah...yeah, yeah....
Promoter: Smell the Glove?
Extra: It's a provocative title.
David: Wait till you see the cover, wait till you see the cover,
very provcative indeed.
Ian: Bobbi, Bobbi, can I tear you away from all of this?
Bobbi: Do you have a drink? Everything ok?
Ian: No, I don't, I don't really need one. But, listen, um...
I really, I really do have to talk to you a bit about this,
uh....
Bobbi: Ian, come on, tell me whatever is on your mind....
Ian: ...this whole issue of the, uh...the issue of the cover.
Bobbi: Yeah.
Ian: ...uh, we feel, I mean, we feel and it seems to be facts
that, uh...the company is rather down on the cover.
Is that the case?
Bobbi: Yes.
Ian: You can give it to me straight, you know.
Bobbi: Listen umm... they don't like the cover, they don't like
the cover.
Ian: Uh huh, well that is certainly straight.
Bobbi: They find it very offensive and very sexist.
Ian: Well what exactly...do you find offensive, I mean, what's
offensive?
Bobbi: Ian, you put a greased naked woman...
Ian: Yes...
Bobbi: ...on all fours...
Ian: Yes.
Bobbi: ...with a dog collar around her neck...
Ian: ...with a dog collar...
Bobbi: ...and a leash...
Ian: ...and a leash...
Bobbi: ...and a man's arm extended out up to here holding on to
the leash and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff
it. You don't find that offensive, you don't find that
sexist?
Ian: No I don't, this is 1982, Bobbi, come on.
Bobbi: That's right it's 1982 get out of the 60's we don't have
this mentality any more.
Ian: Well you should have seen the cover they wanted to do.
It wasn't a glove believe me.
Bobbi: I don't care what they wanted to do, now see this is
something Ian that you are going to have to talk to your
boys about.
Ian: We're certainly not laying down any conditions...
Bobbi: And I don't think that a sexy cover is the answer for why
an album sells or doesn't sell becuase you tell me...the
"White Album", what was that? There was nothing on that
goddamn cover. Excuse me, the phone's ringing. Ian we'll
talk about this after.
Ian: Okay, bye bye.
Bobbi: Hello. Oh, hi Denis. Uh oh, okay. Why don't you tell
him? Okay, hold on one minute. Ian? It's Eton-Hogg, he
wants to talk to you.
Ian: Okay. Thank you darling.
Bobbi: You're welcome.....yeah.
Ian: Hello Sir Denis. Hi, how are you?
(off phone) Oh, fucking old poofter!
(in phone) But it's really not that offensive Sir Denis come on.
Okay. I'll call you absolutely first thing in the morning.
(slam phone)Ah, shit. They are not gonna release the album...because
they have decided that the cover is sexist.
Nigel: Well so what? What's wrong with being sexy? I mean
there's no....
Ian: Sex-ist.
David: -ist. More than sexy.
Bobbi: Okay, listen I wanted to tell you this and and...I was
holding back because I didn't know what Denis' decision
was going to be... but at this point both Sears and K-Mart
stores have refused to handle the album.
Ian: That old one, huh?
Bobbi: They're boycotting the album only because of the cover.
If the first album had been a hit....
Ian: If the company is behind the album it can shove it right
down their throats.
Bobbi: Money talks and bullshit walks and if the first album
was a hit then we could have pressed on them then we could
have told them yes...
Ian: The music....every cut on this album is a hit.
Bobbi: Let's...I don't give a shit what the album's....
Nigel: It's a matter of compromise, we made a joke, and it was a
long time ago, they're making it like a big deal.
David: That's true. You know, if we were serious and we said
"yes she should be forced to sn...smell the glove" then
you'd have a point you know but it's all a joke, isn't it,
we're making fun of that sort of thing.
Nigel: It is and it isn't, she should be made to smell it, but...
David: But not, you know, over and over again.
Bobbi: You know, we can probably work something out. I'll talk to
Denis and maybe we can come up with a compromise.
A new design concept that we can all live with.
<interview in restaurant>
Marty: You guys were school mates..?
Nigel: We don't...we, we, we're not not university material
David: What's that on your finger?
Nigel: That's my gum!
David: What are you doing with it on your finger?
Nigel: I might need it later.
David: Put it on the table, that's terrible.
Nigel: Well...I might forget it on the table.
David: You can't take him anywhere.
Marty: How old were you guys when you met?
David: Eight years old. Eight or nine.
Nigel: You were eight and I was seven.
David: That's right, yeah.
Marty: Do you remember the first song that you guys ever wrote
together?
David: All the Way Home, probably.
Marty: All the Way Home?
David: Yeah.
Marty: Can you remember a little bit of it? I'd love to hear
it.
David: Christ. Some black coffee maybe we could do it.
Nigel: How's it go?
N+D: I'm standing here beside the railroad track...
and I'm waiting for that train to bring you back....
(bring you back)
if, if, if, if, if she's not on the the 5:19
then I'm gonna know what sorrow means.....
and I'm gonna cry cry cry all the way home....
all the way home....all the way home.....
all the way home....all the way home.....
Nigel: Cry, cry, cry all the way home...
David: ...fairly simple..... there's about six words in the
whole song, you know,
Marty: Sounds like a big hit.
David: Just repeat them over and over again.
Marty: Let's talk about your music today...uh...one thing that
puzzles me ...um...is the make up of your audience seems
to be ...uh... predominately young boys.
David: Well it's a sexual thing, really isn't it. Aside from
the identifying the boys do with us there's also a
re-reaction to the female.....of the female to our music.
How did you put it?
Nigel: Really they're quite fearful - that's my theory.
They see us on stage with tight trousers we've got, you
know, armadillos in our trousers, I mean it's really quite
frightening...
David: Yeah.
Nigel: ...the size...and and they, they run screaming.
--- Spinal Tap performs Hell Hole ---
--- Chapel Hill, North Carolina ---
<Vandermint Auditorium>
Nigel: Ian, can I have a word with you for a minute?
Ian: Yes, of course.
Nigel: ...uh, a couple of problems with the...
Ian: What?
Nigel: ...arrangments backstage...
Ian: What exactly?
Nigel: Well, uh..
Ian: What, I mean...
Nigel: Well, no, there's some problems here, I don't even know
where to start, alright? This, uh..
Ian: Soundcheck? Whats, whats, whats wrong?
Nigel: No, no, no, no this....look, look, look, there's a little
problem with the... look this, this miniature bread. It's
like... I've been working with this now for about half an
hour. I can't figure out... let's say I want a bite,
right, you've got this...
Ian: You'd like bigger bread?
Nigel: Exactly! I don't understand how...
Ian: You could fold this though.
Nigel: Well, no then it's half the size.
Ian: Not the bread, you could fold the meat.
Nigel: Yeah, but then it, then it breaks up, breaks apart like
this.
Ian: No, no, no, you put it on the bread like this, you see
Nigel: But then, if you keep folding it, it keeps breaking...
Ian: Why do you keep folding it?
Nigel: And then you...everyhing has to be folded, and then it's
this, and I don't want this. I want large bread so that I
can put this...
Ian: Right
Nigel: ...so then it's like this, this doesn't work because then
...it's all....
Ian: 'cause it hangs out like that?
Nigel: Look...
Ian: Yeah.
Nigel: Would you... be holding this?
Ian: No, I don't want to eat... I wouldn't want to put that in
my mouth, no you're right, Nigel, you're right...
Nigel: No, alright 'A', exhibit 'A', now we move on to this,
look, look who's in here? No one! And then in here there's
a little guy, look! So it's, it's a complete catastrophe!
Ian: You're right, Nigel, Nigel calm down, calm down.
Nigel: Calm d...good, no it's not a big deal, it's a joke, it's
really, it's...
Ian: I'm sorry, it's just some crappy univeristy, you know
Nigel: I know, Yeah, right, it's a joke, it's all a j..
Ian: Really, I don't want it to affect your performance.
Nigel: It's not gonna affect my performance, don't worry about
it, alright, just hate it, it's really...
Ian: It won't happen again.
Nigel: It does disturb me.
Ian: It's disgusting.
Nigel: But I'll rise above it, I'm a professional, right?
Ian: Alright.
--- Spinal Tap Perfoms Hell Hole ---
<Amid Nigel's Guitar Collection>
Marty: Do you play all...I mean do you actually play all these
or...?
Nigel: Well, I play them and I cherish them.
Marty: Mmm-hmm....
Nigel: This is the top of the heap right here. There's no
question about it. Look at the, look at the flame on
that one....
Marty: Yes.
Nigel: I mean it's just...it's quite unbelievable. This o-
this one is just ah...is perfect...1959...ah...you know,
it just, you can uh...listen!
Marty: How much does this....
Nigel: Just listen for a minute....
Marty: I'm not....
Nigel: The sustain...listen to it...
Marty: I'm not hearing anything.
Nigel: You would, though, if it were playing, because it really
... it's famous for its sustain...I mean, you could,
just hold it....
Marty: Well I mean so you don't....
Nigel: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... You could go and have a bite
an'...aaaaaaaaa...you'd still be hearin' that one.
Could you hold this a sec'?
Marty: Sure.
Nigel: This one...this 'course is a custom three-pickup-'Paul.
This is my radio...unit....
Marty: Oh, I see....
Nigel: So I strap this...this piece on, you know, right down in
here when I'm on stage and....
Marty: It's a wireless.
Nigel: Wireless, exactly. And...uh I can play without all the
mucky-muck.
Marty: You can run anywhere on stage with that.
Nigel: Exactly. Now this is special, too, it's a...look...see
...still got the uh...the ol' tagger on it...see...never
even played it ...see...
Marty: You just bought it and....
Nigel: Don't touch it! Don't touch it! No one...no one...no!
Don't touch it.
Marty: Well uh I wasn't...uh I wasn't gonna touch it...I was
just pointing at it...I....
Nigel: Well don't point, even.
Marty: Don't even point?
Nigel: No. It can't be played...never...I mean I....
Marty: Can I look at it?
Nigel: No.
Marty: Don't look at it.
Nigel: No, you've seen enough of that one.
This is a top to a, you know, what we use on stage,
but it's very...very special because if you can see...
Marty: Yeah...
Nigel: ...the numbers all go to eleven. Look...right across the
board.
Marty: Ahh...oh, I see....
Nigel: Eleven...eleven...eleven....
Marty: ..and most of these amps go up to ten....
Nigel: Exactly.
Marty: Does that mean it's...louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see,
most...most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten.
You're on ten here...all the way up...all the way up....
Marty: Yeah....
Nigel: ...all the way up. You're on ten on your guitar...where
can you go from there? Where?
Marty: I don't know....
Nigel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is if we need that extra..
push over the cliff...you know what we do?
Marty: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the
top... number... and make that a little louder?
Nigel: These go to eleven.
<Hotel Lobby, Memphis, Tennessee>
Smitty: Are you uh - are you Spinal Tap?
Ian: Spinal Tap -- this is Spinal Tap.
?: Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap.
Smitty: Welcome to Memphis, gentlemen. We have a slight problem
with your reservation. Nothing serious, I'm afraid.
Ian: How slight?
Smitty: You wanted seven, uh, suites.
Ian: Seven. Seven suites.
Smitty: Yes w-we-he mistakenly put you on the seventh
floor with one suite.
Ian: That's considerably more than minor.
Smitty: Well, it's a good-sized room, sir. It's a, it's a
'King Leisure'. We can get you a - something
Ian: How are we going to get fourteen people in a 'King
Leisure' bed, Tucker?
Smitty: Oh-ho-ho don't - don't tempt me, sir.
David: Have a good time, will you -- we'll be right here.
Ian: I will, I'll take care of it.
Smitty: Welcome, gentlemen - and very attractive they are, too.
Ian: Hey! Hey! Listen to me: We want these suites, and we
want them now! OK? These people are tired, we have
soundcheck in an hour.
Smitty: Yes, sir. We can't help you out - Reba - perhaps you
can help here.
Reba: What's the problem, sir?
Smitty: Can you give me a hand, please?
Ian: Yes. I'll tell you what you can do. OK?
This - twisted old fruit here - tells me that you have
fucked up my reservations.
Smitty: I'm just as God made me, sir.
David: What's the difference between golf and miniature golf?
Derek: I think it's-uh...
Mick: The walk.
Derek: The holes are smaller
(Crazed female fans shriek.)
David: Uh-oh- look out, here they come....
Derek: Hold your breath.
Fan: Duke! Duke! Can I have your autograph?
Nigel: It's Duke.
David: Duke! Duke!
Terry: Get your hands back.
David: It's OK, we know'm, it's Spinal Tap.
Terry: Sure.
David: David St Hubbins, Spinal Tap; Derek Smalls, Spinal Tap;
Nigel....
Terry: Look, we gotta get going here.
David: Listen, uh...uh...where you playing in town?
You you playin' here?
Terry: We're doin' the...uh...Enormodome whatever it is. It's
terrific, it's a good house. We sold it out.
David: Oh yeah big place outside of town.
Terry: Very nice.
David: That's a big place. You sold it out?!
Nigel: What's that, twenty-thousand seats?
Terry: We really should run, you know...
Ian: Good heavens. How are you, laddy?! Great to see you, Ter!
Terrific to see you.
Terry: Uhhhhm...Liam!
Ian: Ian. Ian.
Terry: Ian. Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat,
but we've gotta...sit down in the lobby and wait for the
limo.
Derek: OK.
David: OK. Great. Duke, great to see you. Great to see you again
Terry.
Derek: We'll catch up with you on the road.
Duke: Cheers.
David: Duke! Great to see you. See ya. See you, Duke. Good days.
Good days!
Fuckin' wanker.
Nigel: What a wanker.
David: What a wanker.
Derek: Total no talent sod.
Nigel: He's got this much talent -- this much if he's lucky.
David: We carried him. We had to apologize for him with our set.
Derek: That's right.
Mick: That's right, yeah.
David: People were still booin' 'im when we were on.
It's all hype. It's all hype. It's all bought.
Ian: Yep. We got our rooms, big fat suites.
David: Lemme ask you something - lemme ask you something
Ian: What?
David: Have you seen Duke Fame's current album?
Ian: Um... yes, yes.
David: Have you seen the cover?
Ian: Um... no, no, I don't think I have.
David: It's a rather lurid cover, I mean...ah, it's, it's like
naked women, and, uh....
Nigel: He's tied down to this table,
Ian: Uh-huh.
Nigel: And he's got these whips and they're all...semi-nude.
David: Knockin' on 'im and it's like much worse...
Ian: What's the point?
David: Well the point is it's much worse than 'Smell the Glove'
...he releases that he's number three.
Ian: Because he's the victim. Their objections were that she
was the victim. You see?
Derek: I see....
Nigel: Oh...
David: Ah....
Ian: That's alright, if the singer's the victim, it's
different. It's not sexist.
Nigel: He did a twist on it. A twist and it's..
Derek: He did, he did. He turned it around.
Ian: We shoulda thought of that....
David: We were so close....
Ian: I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably
woulda been fine.
All: Ah....
Ian: But it's...it's still a stupid cover.
David: It's such a fine line between stupid an'...
Derek: ...and clever.
David: Yeah, and clever.
Nigel: Just that little turnabout....
Ian: I have a small piece of bad news. Although it may not be
that bad.
Mick: For a change, you mean?
Ian: We're-uh. We're cancelled here.
Derek: At the hotel?
Ian: No, we're cancelled - the gig is cancelled....
Derek: Fuck!
Ian: Uh...it says "Memphis show cancelled due to lack of
advertising funds"...
<Ian's office>
Marty: The last time Tap toured America, they where, uh, booked
into 10,000 seat arenas, and 15,000 seat venues, and it
seems that now, on the current tour they're being
booked into 1,200 seat arenas, 1,500 seat arenas, and uh
I was just wondering, does this mean uh...the popularity
of the group is waning?
Ian: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no...no, no, not at all.
I, I, I just think that the.. uh.. their appeal is
becoming more selective.
Marty: Yeah. Now, I notice this here, you've got this cricket bat
here...
Ian: Yes.
Marty: Do you play?
Ian: No, I carry this partly out of, uh, I don't know some sort
of, uh, I suppose what's the word...uh....
Marty: Affectation?
Ian: Yes, I mean it's, it's, a it's a kind of totemestic thing
you know, but to be quite frank with you, it's come in
useful in a couple of situations. Certainly in the topsy,
turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of
wood in your hand is quite often...useful.
Marty: Mhmh.
<Hotel room, Memphis, Tennessee>
David: I miss you too, darling...uhm, not too well, actually...
well, we've got some cancellations, that's all, we got to
Memphis, and there is no gig in Memphis and we find out
that this, this promoter in the Mid-West uhh has pulled
out St. Louis, and Kansas City, and uh...oh Des Moines...
I don't know, it's in Indiana or something...
I thought...oh don't tease me, that's not until April,
great! We'll do it, oh good, oh, fucking great...
Milwaukee...Milwaukee, Wisconsin...I've no idea, you might
have to take the plane to New York, and then get, and then
go to, uh, to Milwaukee from there...
...oh, good I love you too...okay, bye...
Ah, well, my problems are solved, mate!
Nigel: Who's that?
David: Jeanine, she's going to come meet us. She was supposed to
do this uh window layout for Neil Kite's Boutique, but
it's not until April.
Nigel: Is she coming to drop some stuff off, you know, and then...
David: No.
Nigel: ...and then go back?
David: No, she's coming on the road, she's going to travel with
us, gonna go on the road with us.
Derek?: Turn it up, turn it up!
David: She says she can hear that I'm eating too much sugar on
the phone, she says my larynx is fat.
Derek: You uh might want to come next door, the radio is playing
a bit of your past.
David: Ohooow..... I don't believe it!
?: Listen to this.
?: Shhhhh.
?: Sounds good.
DJ: Oh, yeah, going all the way back to 1965 that one....
?: Shhhhhh-shhh.
DJ: Don't it feel good, with The Thamsmen and "Cups and Cakes"
Derek: You're an oldie...you're an oldie!
DJ: The Thamesmen later changed their names to Spinal Tap
they had a couple of B-side hits they are currently
residing in the "where are they now" file.
Johnny Q with you on Golden 106 and right after we...
Derek: Fuck you!
<Elvis' grave, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee>
David: I'm not really sure this was such a great idea, I mean
I don't feel any better than I did at the hotel.
Derek: He was going to do a TV special from here, before he died.
David: Yeah, that's right, the musical version of "Somebody Up
There Likes Me"...
(Sings:) Well since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell
well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street, at Heartbreak
Hotel.
Nigel: Do it, do it with the harmony parts.
D + N: Well since my baby left...
David: The same key, though, I think.
D + N: Well since my baby left me...
Nigel: If I'm going: Well since my baby left me, meeee...
David: No, you can't hit that note!
Derek, D+N: Mmmmm...since my baby left me,
well, I found a new place to dwell...
Nigel: That's alright.
Derek: Not really, not really...voice down...
David: Well it sounds raga, don't want to go raga on this stuff.
Nigel: No, not with this you don't, Well since my baby left me,
David: It sounds...fuckin barbershop...
Derek: Hey!
David: Barbershop raga. A new hybrid.
Derek: Hey, watch the, watch the language, you're paying homage
to the King!
David: Oh sorry...well this is thoroughly depressing.
Nigel: It really puts perspective on things, though, doesn't it?
David: Too much, there's too much fucking perspective now.
<garden interview III>
Marty: In 1967, uh, you... that was the first time Spinal Tap
came into existence?
Derek: Well, the whole world was changing in those days.
David: And, and we also has the world's ear.
Derek: We were changing the world.
David: Because we've just released an enormous selling single:
"Listen to the Flower People".
Nigel: Flower People!
David: We toured the world, we toured the States...
Derek: We toured the world and elsewhere.
David: It was, it was a dream come true.
--- Spinal Tap performs (Listen to the) Flower People---
--- JAMBOREE BOP American-TV 1967 ---
Marty: Now, during the Flower People period, who was your
drummer?
David: Stumpy's replacement, Peter James Bond, he also
died in mysterious circumstances...we were playing a...
Nigel: Festival...
David: Jazz-blues festival, where was that?
Nigel: Blues-jazz really.
Derek: Blues-jazz festival...
Nigel: It was in the Isle of, it was in the Isle of....
Nigel + Derek:Isle of Lucy.
Derek: Isle of Lucy.
Nigel: Isle of Lucy.
David: Isle of Lucy...jazz-blues festival...
Nigel: And....it was tragic really...he exploded on stage.
Derek: Just like that...
David: He just went up...
Nigel: He just was like a flash of green light...and that was
it, nothing was left...
David: Look at his face .... it's true, this really did happen.
Nigel: Well, there was a little green globule on his drum seat.
David: Like a stain, really.
Nigel: More of a stain than a globule, actually, and...
David: You know several...you know dozens of people spontaneously
combust each year, it's just not really widely reported.
Nigel: Right.
<Sound check, Shank Hall, Milwuakee, Wisconsin>
Nigel: Hello, hello, hello, hello
David: Testin', test, test, test, test "This is mike munber one,
this is mike number one, isn't this a lot of fun?"
Nigel: Two, two.
David: Okay, got the mikes...
Nigel: Let's do G. S. M, alright...G. S. M.
--- Spinal Tap plays G. S. M., (Gimmie Some Money) ---
Jeanine: Hello, darling, hellooo, got a surprise for you.
David: Hey! Where'd you come from?
Jeanine: Where do you think I came from? Bloody airplane, didn't
I? Right?
?: David.....David.....David....David
Jeanine: ...feels good, oh I've been wanting to do that for the
longest time.
David: ...carry you about with me...
Jeanine: What's...tell me...
David: Wh...that's the film crew I told you about, this, this
is the film crew: Ma...Ma'tn...
Jeanine: Hi, Martin.
David: This is Jeanine.
Marty: Hello.
Jeanine: Hello.
Ian: Here it is!
Derek: Visitor's Day. isn't it?
Ian: Here it is, lads! "Smell The Glove" me old beauties
...gather round.. Where's David?... David, David, get up
here!
?: Come on Ian, you're kidding...
Derek: David, "Smell The Glove" is here. Hello, Jeanine.
Ian: The moment we've all been waiting for...Here we go, plenty
for everybody...here you are.
David: I never thought I'd see...I never thought I'd live to see
the day.
?: We ought to play a little fanfare!
Ian: What do you think?
Derek: Is this the test pressing?
Ian: No, this is it, yes, that's right...
David: This is "Smell The Glove" by Spinal Tap....
Ian: That's "Smell The Glove" that's, that's the jacket cover,
it's going out across the country in every store.
David: This is the compromise we made...this is the compromise
you made?
Ian: Yes.
Derek: Is it going to say anything here, or here along the spine?
David: It's not going to say anything?
Ian: No, it's not going to say anything.
Nigel: It's going to be like this, all black...
Ian: No, it's going to be that simple, beautiful, classic!
?: Does look a little bit like, you know, black leather...
Derek: You can see yourself in... both sides.
David: I feel so bad, I feel so bad about this...
Nigel: It's like a black mirror.
David: Well, I think it looks like death...it looks like mourning.
I mean it looks...
Ian: David, David, every, every movie, in every cinema is about
death; death sells!
Nigel: I think he's right, there is something about this, that's
that's so black, it's like; "How much more black could this
be?" and the answer is: "None, none... more black."
David: I think, like you're, like rationalizing this whole thing
like into something you did on on purpose. I think we're
stuck with a very, very stupid and a very, and a very
dismal looking album, this is depressing.
Nigel: David!
David: This is something you wear around your arm, you don't put
this on your fucking turntable.
Nigel: David, it's a choice.
Ian: I frankly think that this is the turning point, okay? I
think, I think this is...we're on our way now.
Nigel: I agree, I agree...
Ian: It's time, time to kick arse!
--- Spinal Tap performs Rock And Roll Creation ---
<Mick Shrimpton in bathtub>
Marty: Given the history of Spinal Tap drummers, uh, in the past,
do you have any fears, uh, for your life?
Mick: When I did join, you know, they did tell me, they kind of
took me aside and said "Well, Mick, ah, you know it's like
this" and it did kind if freak me out a bit, but it can't
always happen to every.... can it?
Marty: Right...right, the law of averages says...
Mick: The law of averages...
Marty: ...says that you will survive.
Mick: Yeah.
<Tour Bus>
Viv: Ohh, quite exciting, quite exciting this computer magic,
wheeeee...
Ian: How many uh planets have you destroyed, Viv?
Viv: Well, four or five, fifth time around I think...really
five, few galaxies gone, you know....
Derek: This is Cindy's first moustache.
Ian: Is it?
David: Can I take it off now?
Jeanine: Why? Too hot in here?
David: No, it's...it's, I thought I might go back to see what
they're up to back there you know, I don't think they
really need to see this until you've finished with it,
you know...
Jeanine: Well, you were reading, you can, you can read here...
David: Yeah, but...they, they've got a game back there, thought
I'd maybe have a look at the new game, it's like a
submarine thing.
Jeanine: You've got, you've got all stuff over you again.
<David and Jeanine interview>
David: Before I met Jeanine, my life was cosmically a shambles,
it was ah...I was using bits and pieces of whatever
Eastern philosophies happened to drift through my transom
and she sort of sorted it out for me, straightened it out
for me, gave me a path, you know, a path to follow.
Marty: I wonder if you have as much influence over his musical
expression?
Jeanine: Oh, yeah, I mean listen to him when he's experimenting,
and things like that, don't I? He's, he plays things to
me, sometimes when he's worked up, and he's got a new bit
he wants to tell me about, you know, and I say "Yeah,
that's good", or "that's bad", or "that's shit" or
whatever, you know.
David: Yes, she is very honest, she is brutally frank.
Marty: Well, how does that go over with the other band members?
I mean, you...
David: Well, what happens is that she gives me the brutally frank
version and I sort of tart it up for them.
Jeanine: Yes.
David: Of course, you know, it's so strange because Nigel and
Jeanine are so similar in so many ways, but they just
can't, they don't dislike each other at all...
Jeanine: No.
David: There's great love between the two of them...
Jeanine: Oh, yes....
David: But, they just, there's some sort of communication that's
just not, just blocked or something...
<Nigel plays piano>
Marty: It's pretty.
Nigel: Yeah, I like it, just been fooling about with it for a few
months now, very delicate...
Marty: It's a, it's a bit of a departure from the kind of thing
you normally play.
Nigel: Yeah, it's part of a...trilogy really, a musical trilogy
I'm doing... in... D minor, which I always find is really
the saddest of all keys really. I don't know why, but it
makes people weep instantly, you play a..baaaaa...baaaaaa
it's a horn part.
Marty: It's very pretty.
Nigel: ...baaaa, baaaaa, yeah, just simple lines intertwining,
you know very much like, I'm really influenced by Mozart
and Bach, it's sort of in between those, really, it's
like a Mach piece really, it's...
Marty: What do you call this?
Nigel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
Marty: Hmm.
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